Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
