sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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