you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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