There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Girls should come with a carfax report
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
