Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
