covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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