There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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