Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Randomize
