i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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