So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
