I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
