i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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