I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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