Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Randomize
