dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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