It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize