HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
