I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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