So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
