I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
