so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
