remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
