What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
