Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My cat gives me a boner
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
