First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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