Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
