I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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