I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My sheets look like a crime scene.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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