I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
