you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
