so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
