I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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