Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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