She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
There was a lot of him and a little penis
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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