in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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