he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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