Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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