i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
