Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
