its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
