I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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