Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
