I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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