i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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