You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize