i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
