so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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