I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
