Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She made me pour olive oil on her.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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