sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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