Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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