So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
