wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
