My nipple is on Facebook.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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