So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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