all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
