Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
