don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
