He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
