I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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