Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Randomize
