That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
