I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
no, he came in my armpit
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
