Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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