I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
