He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
