Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
